Prayer By Mail "Personal Faith Prayer Rug!"

We got a letter in the mail yesterday from Jesus Christ. I'm trying to determine how we got on "His" mailing list, since we both have opted out of junk mail and other hard copy marketing offers via the United States Postal Service. With this new "Prayer by Letters" prayer rug, we can send in our request to have new cars granted, money & lottery winnings, health, a "closer hand hold walk with Jesus," and a myriad of other things sent our way...! We even had our personal prophesies mailed to us in this collection of materials. Needless to say, my whole office has been laughing hysterically over this letter from Jesus. None of them received one? Beep and I must be extra special? I put my new prayer rug on my office floor and got A LOT of comments today. I think I'm comfortable with the faith I already have. Why didn't I do direct mail prayer rug marketing when I was a missionary. Sheesh!